Loving someone Vs. Being in Love with them

It's funny how some things happen in life. When I was younger, all I wanted was to be successful. Now all I want is to someday find that "special" person that can make me happy. I guess it's my own mortality catching up on me or some shit like that. The funny thing is that I can name every woman who has held a special place in my heart. I still care for all of them. So I guess you can say that I still "love" them, but I'm not "in love" with them. You can see them for who they are and could become. Loving them means that I care about what happens in their lives and that I'd still help them out if they ever asked for it. But I really hope that most of them never ask for it. It's nice to hear from someone you love, but you can get on with your day if you don't.

"Being in" love with someone is completely different, but still somewhat similar. You anticipate that everytime the phone rings, that it's them. You feel hollow without them there near you. You think about them all the time, almost an unhealthy amount of time. You only look at them in a good light, they can do no wrong in your eyes. You become blind to their faults, so much so, that when you get hurt by them you never saw it coming (even though everyone else could see it).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I do love most of my exes, but am not "in love" with any of them. I had an intresting IM conversation with Ms, "No Comment" today. She tried to blame me for some of the problems she has had in her life. A former friend of hers had used my blog against her, namely to hurt her. That is not the purpose of this blog, but as a form of exorcising the demons that are inside me. Things I've had to deal with for years. Finally I have a tool that I can express myself without hurting people, but also to show others that they are not alone with how they feel about life. Nothing has changed how I feel for her. Yes I still care for her, even though she had put me through hell, but I'm not "in love" with her anymore. I wish her the best in her life, but until she learns to take responsibility for her life, she will never become worthy of me again.

Those of you that know who I'm talking about know that I will never take her back into my heart, but she will always be a part of my life. It's not an active part, but it is still a part nontheless. Don't worry she's not coming back into my life, I have too much I need to do and she'd distract me from my ultimate goal. What that goal is? I still don't know, but I do know that she'd lead me to heart-ache and pain. I wish you well in life CBR.