Being a Big FAT-ASS

Time to start a new diet today. It really sucks that I bought some shorts the other day and they were the right size, but I couldn't get me fat ass into them. So I had to take them back to the store and exchange them for a pair that were not just one, but two sizes bigger.

I guess that having off a month from class has caused me to become a BIGGER fat ass than I was before. After coming to this realization I decided to go on a new diet. From this day forward I have sworn off of ALL soft drinks (including Mt. Dew, Pepsico stock will go down because of this). I haven't done a whole hell of a lot to change my eating habits, but I only had 1 plate full of fried chicken today as opposed to the standard 4 plates that I normally have.

I guess that's one of my biggest problems is that I LOVE to eat (well, masturbation is a close second, but only when I'm eating). (Sorry for those of you out there how got the visual of me spanking and eating a couple of dozen McRibs.) That's one of my biggest weaknesses is that food loves me no matter what happens. It's not judgemental, it doesn't bitch at me, it's always available, and it's always the right time of the month.

I guess that it's time to say good-bye to eating pizza and hot dogs whenever I'm hungry and start eating something a bit healthier like a rare 18 oz Ribeye with a loaded baked potato and lots of rolls to sop up the blood. Not really folks, if I could afford Ribeyes, I could afford to eat something better, like strip steak (no Jerry, I didn't say "tube-steak").

It's time for me to re-make myself again into a "lean, mean, fighting machine." I've decided to drink nothing but water, milk and coffee. Eat nothing that has a ton of white flour. To start eating vegetables again (YUCK!). Ok, eat broccoli and cauliflower (just as long as it's smothered in cheese whiz). Ok, maybe not. I'm going back to the gym and working out every week day (no, really I am). I need to drop all this excess weight. I feel like Jabba's stunt double these days, or at least like Jerry does.

If anyone sees me going near a Krispy Kreme, just beat the crap out of me because the last thing I want to have happen is to have Greenpeace rally around me the next time I go to the beach.

I'm out of here for now, ya'll.

Pace. (Not the Picante Sauce)